Holding Myself Accountable #selfaccountability
If you follow me on the twitter/instagram/tumblr triumvirate or are friends with me on face book, you have seen me post photos of lists under the hashtag #selfaccountability, and probably wondered what I'm doing.
Some of you also know that I'm now in treatment for Bipolar Disorder, which has had me swinging from long bouts of sinking depression to short bouts of manic energy. When I was depressed, I couldn't be bothered to do much of anything, let alone clean. The house was just terrible. The boys rarely, if ever, got outside. If it wasn't microwaveable, it didn't get cooked (which meant we got takeout). Sometimes, it feels like the bouts of depression lasted longer than the manic episodes, but it's only because...sometimes, anything less than AWESOME felt like it was terrible.
A little over a year ago, I started with a therapist that actually helped, and didn't tell me I needed to pray more, do yoga, or try some other "woo" treatment that isn't fact-based or medically indicated. Over time, we started on medication, tweaking dosages and meds, and finally arriving for something that works right now. I say right now because, in the future, things may not work as well as they are now. And, I also say "we" because it is "we". I can't treat myself. I need my therapist, my GP, my psychiatrist, and my family. Without that base, I fall. And when I fall, I fail.
Throughout all of this, I have been trying to just do better at being a mom, and treating the house like it's my job. A shitty job that I don't get paid for, but a job nonetheless. I've read upwards of 100 books that promise to be "miraculous" in helping me de-clutter my home. Helping me get a "system". Helping me....waste time reading books that are aimed at people who fill their houses with containers or have shelves and cupboards that would make Belle salivate.
I am neither. And I'm not going to go out and buy infinity Sterilite containers to "contain" my clutter. In my mind, that's just clutter containing clutter, thus defeating the point.
So, about 8 weeks ago, I started making lists.
Just your basic list. Do the dishes. Sweep/mop kitchen. Clean the boys' room. Do my nails. Switch out Ash's 2T's for 3T. And move 3 boxes to storage to get my room cleaned out.
On the surface, it seems easy. And it probably is to most of you.
I couldn't get past Dishes.
I kept reading things about lists, saying that shorter lists are better lists. Keep them short! Only do a few things!
So, I did.
Short lists.
Still got nothing done.
Because I was doing it the wrong way for ME.
I was trying to move mountains, meanwhile forgetting that mountains are made out of rocks. I can move rocks.
My list?
Make bed.
Pick up all clothes on the floor and put in hamper.
Put away tiny stuff like lotions that don't need to be out.
Wipe down sink basin in the bathroom.
Clean water spots from faucet and mirror.
Spray tub/shower down with cleaner, then spray clean.
Replace towels/washcloths
Sweep Bathroom.
Wash Dishes
Wipe Down Counters
Contain clutter
Set out a clean Dish Towel.
Quick Sweep
Tidy Books/Games in the LR
Take dishes to the kitchen
Vacuum
Organize Spice Rack
Do laundry.
My water count for the day was 5 8oz. glasses.
And I did those 2 after they went to bed. So, I ended up not organizing the spice rack or sweeping the kitchen.
I also didn't spend my whole day focusing on cleaning. I cleaned for a bit, then sat down with the boys. Or sat down to crochet this cool tank top I'm working on. Or ate. Or...well, whatever. I basically managed to lazily clean the house.
And it felt great.
Is my house going to be on the cover of Martha Stewart Living?
No.
Do I feel better about my surroundings, less anxious, and more like this is "home"?
Yes.
And that matters more.
So, I'm going to keep making my long lists. Lists people tell me are "daunting". Lists people tell me make them feel anxious. I'm sure they do. I know that, when I started, I "knew" short lists would help me get things done better. But, now, I KNOW that breaking rooms, and even jobs, down into workable parts, I'm moving the rocks that make the mountain, instead of trying to lean and push a mountain out of the way.
But here's the most important part. It's crucial.
If, at the end of the day, there is an item or two on my list not done, I don't sweat it. I'll get it done tomorrow. You might not get the dishes completely finished every day. Sometimes there's going to be a pan or 3 that need to soak overnight before you can even scrub it out. Maybe you washed and dried a load of laundry, but didn't fold and put it away. That's ok. No one is going to die, the seas aren't going to turn red, and you're not going to catch fire.
At the same time, the only person you have to be accountable to is you. It's a case of natural consequence. If you don't do the dishes, you won't have dishes to eat on. If you don't wash the laundry, you won't have clean clothes. And it's so much less stressful to do it in bits and pieces over the day than it is to go gung-ho at once.
The list, for me, is crucial. It can be on paper, one of hundreds of apps on your chosen phone, even Habit RPG or Unfuck Your Space. But lists make it easier, and more fulfilling.
Note: If you're already someone whose house is clean and in good condition, none of this advice is for you. I'll bet you also fold fitted sheets. And are a magical creature. I applaud you, and hope you maintain your mystical ways.
Some of you also know that I'm now in treatment for Bipolar Disorder, which has had me swinging from long bouts of sinking depression to short bouts of manic energy. When I was depressed, I couldn't be bothered to do much of anything, let alone clean. The house was just terrible. The boys rarely, if ever, got outside. If it wasn't microwaveable, it didn't get cooked (which meant we got takeout). Sometimes, it feels like the bouts of depression lasted longer than the manic episodes, but it's only because...sometimes, anything less than AWESOME felt like it was terrible.
A little over a year ago, I started with a therapist that actually helped, and didn't tell me I needed to pray more, do yoga, or try some other "woo" treatment that isn't fact-based or medically indicated. Over time, we started on medication, tweaking dosages and meds, and finally arriving for something that works right now. I say right now because, in the future, things may not work as well as they are now. And, I also say "we" because it is "we". I can't treat myself. I need my therapist, my GP, my psychiatrist, and my family. Without that base, I fall. And when I fall, I fail.
Throughout all of this, I have been trying to just do better at being a mom, and treating the house like it's my job. A shitty job that I don't get paid for, but a job nonetheless. I've read upwards of 100 books that promise to be "miraculous" in helping me de-clutter my home. Helping me get a "system". Helping me....waste time reading books that are aimed at people who fill their houses with containers or have shelves and cupboards that would make Belle salivate.
I am neither. And I'm not going to go out and buy infinity Sterilite containers to "contain" my clutter. In my mind, that's just clutter containing clutter, thus defeating the point.
So, about 8 weeks ago, I started making lists.
Just your basic list. Do the dishes. Sweep/mop kitchen. Clean the boys' room. Do my nails. Switch out Ash's 2T's for 3T. And move 3 boxes to storage to get my room cleaned out.
On the surface, it seems easy. And it probably is to most of you.
I couldn't get past Dishes.
I kept reading things about lists, saying that shorter lists are better lists. Keep them short! Only do a few things!
So, I did.
A photo posted by Jennifer (@jeniburns) on
Short lists.
Still got nothing done.
Because I was doing it the wrong way for ME.
I was trying to move mountains, meanwhile forgetting that mountains are made out of rocks. I can move rocks.
My list?
Make bed.
Pick up all clothes on the floor and put in hamper.
Put away tiny stuff like lotions that don't need to be out.
Wipe down sink basin in the bathroom.
Clean water spots from faucet and mirror.
Spray tub/shower down with cleaner, then spray clean.
Replace towels/washcloths
Sweep Bathroom.
Wash Dishes
Wipe Down Counters
Contain clutter
Set out a clean Dish Towel.
Quick Sweep
Tidy Books/Games in the LR
Take dishes to the kitchen
Vacuum
Organize Spice Rack
Do laundry.
My water count for the day was 5 8oz. glasses.
A photo posted by Jennifer (@jeniburns) on
And I did those 2 after they went to bed. So, I ended up not organizing the spice rack or sweeping the kitchen.
I also didn't spend my whole day focusing on cleaning. I cleaned for a bit, then sat down with the boys. Or sat down to crochet this cool tank top I'm working on. Or ate. Or...well, whatever. I basically managed to lazily clean the house.
And it felt great.
Is my house going to be on the cover of Martha Stewart Living?
No.
Do I feel better about my surroundings, less anxious, and more like this is "home"?
Yes.
And that matters more.
So, I'm going to keep making my long lists. Lists people tell me are "daunting". Lists people tell me make them feel anxious. I'm sure they do. I know that, when I started, I "knew" short lists would help me get things done better. But, now, I KNOW that breaking rooms, and even jobs, down into workable parts, I'm moving the rocks that make the mountain, instead of trying to lean and push a mountain out of the way.
But here's the most important part. It's crucial.
If, at the end of the day, there is an item or two on my list not done, I don't sweat it. I'll get it done tomorrow. You might not get the dishes completely finished every day. Sometimes there's going to be a pan or 3 that need to soak overnight before you can even scrub it out. Maybe you washed and dried a load of laundry, but didn't fold and put it away. That's ok. No one is going to die, the seas aren't going to turn red, and you're not going to catch fire.
At the same time, the only person you have to be accountable to is you. It's a case of natural consequence. If you don't do the dishes, you won't have dishes to eat on. If you don't wash the laundry, you won't have clean clothes. And it's so much less stressful to do it in bits and pieces over the day than it is to go gung-ho at once.
The list, for me, is crucial. It can be on paper, one of hundreds of apps on your chosen phone, even Habit RPG or Unfuck Your Space. But lists make it easier, and more fulfilling.
Note: If you're already someone whose house is clean and in good condition, none of this advice is for you. I'll bet you also fold fitted sheets. And are a magical creature. I applaud you, and hope you maintain your mystical ways.
Um, now that I see your explanation all written out, I think this may be the most brilliant thing ever. I have to go find a notebook now. In which case I can put "find a notebook" on my list and check it off.... lol.
ReplyDeleteTHANK YOU!